Shockwave Pulsar
by Mostly Harmless III
Summary: Gen. Quistis at the Final Battle. The things that really matter at the End of Time. SPOILERS. Angst. re-post


Title: Shockwave Pulsar  
Author: Mostly Harmless  
Summary: Quistis at the Final Battle. The things worth fighting for.  
Warnings: Language, OOC, SPOILERS for the end of the game. No Beta for Me!  
Author Notes: This is YEARS old and a re-post. I'm cleaning out my closet, as it were. Things that I pulled are going back up just for fun. Yay..!?! I hope you enjoy this oldie. This was back when I thought long, elaborate sentences ROCKED. Check out all the semi-colons! I cleaned it up a little, but mostly…meh.

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Shockwave Pulsar

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"Griever! Make them bleed!"

She heard the words, but hoped they would not come to pass; hoped that maybe she and Squall and Zell might get out of this one with a minimum of pain and blood and heartache.

Her hopes were in vain.

It was disorienting to feel suddenly what she usually saw from a distance, far away and safe like reading about an accident years and years later. But now there was the weightless feeling, what felt like a string attached to her soul dragging her upwards into chaos. And she was in the midst of if. Not safe, not protected. Now she watched the spectacle as it was forced upon her own body, not some nameless enemy's. Quistis felt the smooth glass of a Megalixir at her hip and squeezed it as the dizzying feeling worsened. The small gesture consoled her somewhat, the knowledge that there was a way to save them should things go wrong.

Then the world went blinding white.

She wouldn't close her eyes against the sight though she wanted to badly; could feel her arms shaking and her breath hiding in her chest afraid to come out. She kept her head down instead and stayed ignorant of the terrifying world that way. Squall and Zell were there, somewhere to her right, but she couldn't see them.

She had the strangest sensation of wanting to laugh. Like a whisper amidst the rumble of the world falling away, she could hear the golden rule: Do Unto Others. Quistis couldn't help but find it amusing that the damn thing was using her own attack against them. It was some kind of revenge for all the men and things and creatures who had fallen to it. And if Griever's attack was as strong as her own...

She raised her head and her hand at the same time, the Megalixir held loosely in her fingertips as the pristine horror before her snapped into focus. There was no ground beneath her feet and her body was encased in a wavering orb of white light that floated above clouds and the thick mist of Time Compression. If she were claustrophobic, this would have been hell. The constricting orb made the scene before her seem curved and warped and she pressed her hands against it in a vain attempt to break it and return the world to normal. The Megalixir was forgotten, just something she happened to be holding while the world went mad. She heard the roar and the beat of dwarfing wings that signaled that Griever was still with them. He loomed above them like the monster in fairytales, some dark Minotaur forged from nightmares and fear.

She saw his eyes and felt cold slam into place in her chest. And then the pain began. Underneath her own screams, she could hear Zell's mixed with a barrage of cursing. Then it was as if the string yanked downwards and pulled her with it. She was aware of the cold, wet caress of clouds whirring past, knew she was falling but couldn't rouse herself to panic or care. It was only after she hit and her eyes snapped open that she realized she had closed them at all. The thud of her body against the cold stone was like darkness in the form of a knife stabbing through her back. She wondered if she was dead.

Every cut, every bruise, every scar flared on her skin and sang a harsh song that traveled up her body and settled in her back. Air rushed into her lungs, jolting her like the splash of ice water might and it was all so surreal knowing that she was still alive when she should have been dead.

She heard the scuff of sneakers on stone beside her and then what she knew was ammo sliding into place and the double click that signaled a finished reload. Somehow through the pain and the fall, she hadn't released the Megalixir. She stumbled to her feet and had it raised, ready to use it, when a voice stopped her.

"Not yet," and then a whispered, "wait for it."

Squall with a plan. At least some things were certain even at the End of Time. And yet she doubted his judgment. One look at Zell's hunched body was enough to make anyone doubt. Now was not the time to push, now was the time for caution.

Zell caught her eye and straightened immediately. His jacket was in tatters and scars ran up his arm like a diary of battles written in blood, yet he gave her a thumbs up and laughed as he wavered, the effort to appear unfazed far too much for his body.

"Well," he began shakily, "the bastard has a Shockwave Pulsar, too." Quistis could hear him trying to sound cocky and assured despite the pain. He dusted off what remained of a sleeve and turned to face her. "But it doesn't seem as tough as yours, Quisti, does it?"

Zell's smile almost made her believe that they could win this thing. It made her think of Irvine who always smiled during the hard times, and she realized that he and Rinoa and Selfie were out there somewhere, waiting for her, waiting for them. Zell's smile and thoughts of her friends calmed her for a moment, let her collect herself. But more than anything, one thing gave her courage: Zell was right. Griever's attack was only half as strong as her own. If it had been of equal power, she, Zell and Squall would be long dead.

Curiosity made her look at Squall who hardly seemed beaten. In fact, he looked as if he had just realized the exact same thing she had. His eyes stayed focused ahead of them, intent on the monstrous Guardian Force that seemed unbeatable, but he no longer stared with worry or fear. Then he said, simply, "Zell?"

Quistis frowned for a moment, uncertain about what he expected Zell to do, but Zell only nodded and reached a hand into his cargo pockets. It was as if Squall saying his name was a longer command that Zell understood, a perfectly reasonable order. She was in pain, clutching her salvation and impotent to use it and Squall was being cryptic. Bloody brilliant. Then she felt it. Or rather, she saw it: The faint red glow swirling up from her feet to circle around her legs, then her body and finally her arms. Then it was a popping sensation through her veins as if her skin couldn't control some ancient energy. In her mind, like an inventory, she could see all the spells waiting for her, dormant and patient. All she need do was say them.

"God, I love auras," she heard Zell shout just as he bolted forward in a confusion of motion and energy. She watched as he lifted into the air, twirling tirelessly and still glowing from his own aura. Without looking at Squall, she knew that he too would have the pulsing glow about his body while he waited for the right moment to strike.

Griever gave a primal growl when he slammed to earth, pushed by the force of Zell's Limit Break. So amazed was she at the sight of Griever actually bleeding for once, she didn't even look at Zell when he charged back from his assault, breathless but energized and ready to attack again,

"Booyaka!" Zell yelled, channeling Selfie for all the right reasons. It was so appropriate, she almost smiled.

Squall called her name and then she did look at him and had to hide her shock. It almost seemed like he was smiling at her. "Quistis," he said, "I think it's time to return the favor."

"Yeah, and show her how's it's really done," Zell added.

Return the favor? But what about...

Caution...

There was cool smooth glass beneath her fingers. A simple solution. Perhaps another chance...

She felt her fingers release the Megalixer.

There went caution...

Quistis had been told that her eyes sparked when she used Blue Magic, but she didn't really know. She knew the feeling, however, the torrent of energy flowing through her unchecked and free. And now that familiar feeling settled around her and it brought with it the assurance that the order of the things had been restored. The Shockwave Pulsar ripped through the space around them, caught the GF in a web of orb shaped-energy and this time, she knew what Griever felt and would have been sympathetic to the pain he was enduring if only she gave a damn about him.

The heavy streams of power in the air passed by her and left her unharmed, in fact, she felt cradled and safe. Untouchable. Griever didn't have it so good.

The spell finished and Griever writhed before them, twisting as if trying to escape the feeling of ice and darkness cutting into him from the inside. He screamed and Quistis imagined she knew very well why. Then it was as if the pain was too much for him and he collapsed in on himself, becoming a strange, compact version of the monster he had been.

And for a minute, she thought it might be over.

But nothing was ever that simple, was it?

Ultimecia and Griever became a single entity, almost invincible in their combined strength and Quistis felt the kind of hollow feeling that comes with knowing that some things are inevitable.

She staggered to her feet and felt comforted knowing that two others stood with her.

Perhaps it was a good way to die.

It was a blur after that, flashes of scenes and images of Zell charging forward with his fist glowing brightly; Squall standing beneath a pillar of light that came crashing down; her own attack making the ground rumble and all of time wail; shattered light, webs of words and spells and power and Squall making the Lion Heart look effortless and Zell screaming and Rinoa's voice a comfort from far away:

"I want to go back there..."

Ultimecia in her true form, a towering humanoid-figure with light where a face should have been, and that flickering spark of light was the only illumination in the dark space where there was no Time, no sequence of events and no continuity and Zell looking crazed and raving:

"Man! How many forms can the bitch have?"

She wasn't even standing anymore, couldn't explain how she kept attacking when she felt boneless and weak. She gave a choked laugh, wondered how Zell could move with his legs bloodied like that; wondered if Squall felt the gash across his chest; wondered at the bruises across her ribs and the stream of blood pouring from her shoulder. She hit the ground hard, but stood again, stumbled on a puddle of red--

Is that from me?

--found herself on the ground yet again.

"UP! Quistis, up!"

Zell's hands wrapped around her upper arm and pulled.

What use was that? She couldn't move anymore and there was calm just behind her eyelids...

"Not yet, Quisti! UP!"

She tried, she really, really did. Where was that megalixer? Where?

She fell...

Was falling, fell, would fall, hadn't finished falling, would never fall, fell again, was still falling...

To fall forever and never, ever hit...

It wasn't an impact; it was an awakening, one without pain.

She opened her eyes and blinked at the scene of a peaceful, summer's day. Birds were singing; clouds drifted lazily overhead. She heard a woman singing...

She felt the soft petals of wildflowers blow past her cheek, heard the waves of an ocean crashing against rocks and Matron's singing a lullaby in her soft voice somewhere unseen, heard the giggle of children playing in sand, heard...

"Not yet, Quisti, you have to wait for the tide to come in! See, do it like Selphie's doing!"

And the sun was so bright here. She wasn't bleeding anymore, had all her memories, felt safe and warm. She tried again, darting just out of the way of the pursuing tide--this time it didn't touch her bare feet and she cheered. Zell clapped for her when she got it right and the other children did, too. Maybe even Squall? Someone called to her and she turned to see a young Irvine in the distance. She raised her arm to wave at him and he ran towards her, laughing...

She was laughing, too. There was no pain here, just light and comfort. This was nothing like that horrible battleground. She didn't even want to think about it; wanted to drift here forever where things were right and like a good dream where you awake feeling refreshed, only she didn't have to wake up this time...

She thought: So this is what it really feels like to die?

Irvine stopped in front of her, but his smile was gone. Now he was frowning and looking past her, over her shoulder. She whirled to see what he saw and her eyes widening at the unwelcome intrusion.

Squall.

Not as a child, but with a blood-coated gunblade over his shoulder and a gash across his face, blood staining his shirt. Squall come to take her back to that dark place where they had to fight everyday and everything hurt...

So this is what it feels like to die...?

"Not yet, Quisti. Not yet..."

This time, the hands on her arm were unforgiving: They lifted her to her feet so quickly she was confused, unsure of where the sand had gone, why the ocean was silent. Where was Matron's voice? Where were the wildflowers?

Zell was struggling to stand again; they were surrounded by endless darkness; Ultimecia was there. Quistis suppressed a choked sob. She felt the last memory of that ocean sunlight and joy drain away into the void that settled heavily around her and then inside her. Squall had dragged her back to this place--to this hopeless battle--and she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to forgive him.

She looked at Squall and he was looking at her steadily, with a question on his face that made words unnecessary.

Time somehow managed to stop in that place with no Time. It ground to a halt and waited for her, waited for him to ask without speaking and her to answer in kind.

"Quistis, can you do it one more time?" he asked, but his lips never moved. Maybe she added, "for me" to his silent question. Maybe that's what made the difference.

She wanted to collapse, to rest, wanted to go back to the ocean, wanted to sleep and have peace just once...

Just once.

She would do none of those things. Would have none of those things.

Her eyes sparked blue again.

So many things she'd never say. So many things she'd never do.

But she would make Ultimecia bleed.

Yes, that she could do.

Just one more time.

end


End file.
